Relationships

I’ve noticed a pattern and similarities in all of the relationships I’ve had. What I notice is that I’ve always felt like I’m being dragged down. Having a boyfriend felt like..I was putting my life on hold. I felt pulled back.

I guess it’s because i put so much loyalty, dedication, effort, and time into the boyfriend. I can’t even consider it a relationship because I try to make it all about..him. I don’t even try, although it just happens. Like i would slowly become less and less social as I drowned into the relationship. 3/4 of the relationship I’m always waiting; for a call, text, and the next time I would see him. Gradually it would become a routine. EVERYTHING would become a routine. I felt suffocated. 

I fucking hate; routines, wasting time, waiting, and being worried. I sacrafice so much of my time for..”him”.

After what has happend to me. I never want to go into that state again. For now, and mostly for awhile. I don’t want to belong to anyone. I belong to myself. I don’t want to love anyone. I love myself, friends, and family. Selfish? Yes, because I care for my health, feelings, and time. I don’t want any one. I just want good vibes.

I’m not going to look or wait for anyone. I’m going to do me (: